I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
