I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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