Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities