I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.