Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar