I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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