garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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