My Higher Power is John Stamos
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.