i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
false alarm. still invincible.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?