I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
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Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win