Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
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It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.