Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
