also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
