its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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