New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
