It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
