that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
