the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
