No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to make out with him forever
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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