I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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