thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
