sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
