11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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