Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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