We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
