Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
