I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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