just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
