why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
