Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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