unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
