Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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