you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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