She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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