Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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