what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
