This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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