I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
