Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
