My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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