I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
