in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
