just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
