beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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