addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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