ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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