i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
