Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
