I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
