Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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