Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw a hot homeless man
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
