You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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