fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
