I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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