Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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