forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
