i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
