separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This baby is an asshole
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
