Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
