Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
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By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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