Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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