Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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