Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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