whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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