I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
