The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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