Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
