I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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