I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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You and the dog were competed for the water dish
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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