from now on my penis is your penis
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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