my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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