The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
stop calling my apartment porn island.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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