Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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