so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
