problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
foreskin is a definite game changer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
