i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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