I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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