I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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