I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
