Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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