I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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