Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
