just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
