he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
