So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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