thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
