Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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