90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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