handjob tips. give me some.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
