i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
