Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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