I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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